Angst and Trouble

I have serious doubts over the health of my relationship. I'm apparently always doing something wrong and he'll become quiet and accusing. Admittedly, he has trust issues, and enjoys imagining slights for me to have put him through, and I really am the source of his trust issues, but I've changed my group of friends so many times for the sake of his trust issues.

I have no friends outside of the ones from high school. Every time I go back to my parents' house, he seems to question whether I really went home. I don't have the time and patience to sit through another accusing talk about how terrible I am.

"Who puts on lipstick after 1 in the morning?"

Maybe, because I just got a haircut, I saw my reflection and noticed how striking I look with deep red lips. Why is it that the first thing he thinks is that I'm trying to catch the attentions of my roommates? Ugh.

Once I promised myself that the next time he made me cry, I would leave. I left an exception: if I cry because I'm being irrational or emotional, it didn't count. Maybe that was too much of a concession. It's been four years. All of my friends are his friends. His parents like me more than anyone's parents have ever liked me. I've put so much time and tears and secrets into this relationship for it to ever just end. I think he feels the same about that. Every time there's a confrontation, he asks what I want to do from here. It's your choice: you're the one who feels slighted. But it's not only that: I fear that sometimes, if I'm given the choice, I'd end the relationship.

We used to never fight. We had the perfect relationship that I thought everyone else envied us for. When did it get so complicated that he doesn't trust me? I haven't done anything wrong for five years, but I still haven't built up this precious trust. Apparently, every time I'm so close to getting his trust again, I do something that makes him not trust me. He would have trusted me if I did those things if he trusted me in the first place.

I just don't know what to do anymore.